Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
