Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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