Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
