i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
