Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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