Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
