Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
