the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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