just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
