i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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