one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
