So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
