R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
