walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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