like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
