tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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