Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
