We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
