Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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