I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
