my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
