i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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