Quick, to the slutcave!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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