I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
