you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize