at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
not ubering you a puppy
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
