literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
