You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
