Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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