There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
