i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
