The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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