so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
