Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
