do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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