Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
