This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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