You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
