before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
