Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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