im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
