And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
