Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
