Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
