you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
