my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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