Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
