My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Randomize
