oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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