u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
