her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
