jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
