I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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