he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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