So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
