Jerry, you need to find god
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
