Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
love makes seman taste better
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
