Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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