I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
