chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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