Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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