he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
