I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
