And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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