apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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