if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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