Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
