Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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