sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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