And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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