Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
