So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
