i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
