Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Randomize
