Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
