What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize