Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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