I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
