Im at strip club and am horny
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
