no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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