Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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