i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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