nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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